I agree! It's kind of the same principle as when you're scared of something, but if someone else is also scared of that thing (like a friend or especially someone younger like a little sibling) suddenly your own fear is overridden in favour of protectiveness and showing strength because someone needs to be the strong one.
I feel this way about social anxiety--if I meet another person who seems even more anxious or just as shy as I am, it tends to ease my anxiety a little and I even start to feel weirdly protective of them (although in some rare and unfortunate cases, the opposite happens and our anxiety compounds and we're both left staring at each other in horror)
Maybe I just need to start pretending there's a small, scared child trailing after me wherever I go.
I am thinking that if I can teach my children this valuable lesson to not assume someones authority is same as expertise, I have done them a great favor.
As a parent, I would argue it is an important line. Age does not grant authority. Neither do titles or credentials. Discerning who should be deemed an authority requires listening and critical thinking. People use the other markers as shortcuts to avoid consideration of how much the person in front of them has earned authority.
Of course, this also has caveats. Determining that someone is in the “fake it ‘til you make it” category is not a license to be rude to them. And, as the author clearly states, while someone might be a valid authority in one situation, they will likely not be good at everything.
Teaching your kids this makes them better and more competent people. (Though, as a parent, you will be certainly criticized for raising your children wrong by those who want the shortcut thinking to apply and feel like frauds when they realize that young people can see through the Emperor’s new clothes..)
What strikes me is that the shock isn't discovering adults are flawed. It's discovering that the picture of adulthood we grew up with was never real to begin with.
We spend years assuming adults have things figured out. Then one day you realize most people are still making sense of life as they go. They just have more years behind them.
Yes but also, these weren't baseless assumptions we were making. The adults in my life went to great lengths to convince one another, us kids, and themselves, that they had everything figured out and were the unquestionable authorities on how to life. It was a con - a deliberate one.
Yes. The purpose of the con was/is to give kids the sense of order and normalcy that they need. Or maybe not “need” but that at least makes their little lives and thoughts easier to navigate.
Writers on Substack are advising me to get morning sunlight within one hour of waking to help manage my cortisol levels. Mr. Franklin was on to something.
We all have been lied about the potential of our brain, body, and soul. (Your parents, teachers, professors, societies, governments, political leaders, experts, billionaires, and powerful people are lying to you all the time, because they want you to be obedient, normal, average, and mediocre; always ingraining a mindset of seeking safety and stability.)
You can be extremely wealthy, a self-taught polymath, a deep philosopher, a visionary leader, a great social activist, and a freakish athlete all combined. You don’t have to compromise on anything!
The system convinced, brainwashed, and indoctrinated us to stick with one expertise throughout life. As if we are tiny cogs for a giant machine.
Because, they have a certain kind of fear. If humans can explore and unleash their monstrous hidden untapped potential of their brain, body, and soul. Then all kinds of systems and institutions would be rendered useless.
You just need — brain, body, soul, and the internet.
Many historic figures are reduced to a name and a famous finding or invention – we get no sense of who they actually were unless you take the time to read a biography or someone makes a biopic, but even then accuracy is debatable and there will be purposeful omissions.
On adult syndrome and realising those around you are just as ill-equipped as you are... I think at some point I just looked at my own linear timeline and thought: "There will never be a time when I am more prepared and still have this many years remaining, so I might as well try it now."
Good article. But, we didn't start as a sperm cell. I don't understand why men think default gender is male. Default gender is female. Egg is thousand times bigger than a sperm and it's not a separate thing. Stop equating people to sperm cells.
I don't know what is the issue, the author sees with the Darwin's thought/decision making process? I myself went through a very similar process myself... I just didn't think about having (only) a dog instead of a wife/serious partner. But for instance, I was considering of having (only) my nephews instead of my own children. On the end very important were also her indivual characteristics and our joint compatibility. And my age at that point in time. But without our individual characteristics and compatibility, being single was also a very serious option, using a decision tree similar to the Darwin's...
"Charles Darwin spent seven months ruminating on whether to get married. His pro’s and con’s list included: Pro’s - Children, friend in old age, better than a dog anyhow. Con’s - Terrible loss of time, fatness & idleness, forced to visit relatives."
I loved this so much. One of my “subway takes” is that adults don’t exist unless there is a child around. This is an even better take.
Also I needed this: “When you see the humanity in your heroes, you begin to see your heroes in the mirror.” Ready to take on the world now, thank you!
“Old age is a strange thing to happen to a little boy.”
George Oppen
“It’s weird being the same age as old people.” - A t-shirt I own.
I agree! It's kind of the same principle as when you're scared of something, but if someone else is also scared of that thing (like a friend or especially someone younger like a little sibling) suddenly your own fear is overridden in favour of protectiveness and showing strength because someone needs to be the strong one.
I feel this way about social anxiety--if I meet another person who seems even more anxious or just as shy as I am, it tends to ease my anxiety a little and I even start to feel weirdly protective of them (although in some rare and unfortunate cases, the opposite happens and our anxiety compounds and we're both left staring at each other in horror)
Maybe I just need to start pretending there's a small, scared child trailing after me wherever I go.
100% It's the only time i can face dealing with spiders.
Spiders, for the most part, are incredibly beneficial.
We catch and release as much as possible. I even caught and removed a black widow from my SiL’s garage- to her HORROR
Don't disagree, they are very beneficial, but also terrifying. Kudos on the Black Widow!
In our existential angst, we like to believe there are people (adults, gurus etc) who have solved life’s conundrums
The nuggets of wisdom always are in the comments - “adults don’t exist unless there’s a child around” is such a great take.
That take is perfect.
Absolutely. A right thinking "adult" is forced to act more responsibly when a child needs them to
I am thinking that if I can teach my children this valuable lesson to not assume someones authority is same as expertise, I have done them a great favor.
A delicate line to tread as a parent.
As a parent, I would argue it is an important line. Age does not grant authority. Neither do titles or credentials. Discerning who should be deemed an authority requires listening and critical thinking. People use the other markers as shortcuts to avoid consideration of how much the person in front of them has earned authority.
Of course, this also has caveats. Determining that someone is in the “fake it ‘til you make it” category is not a license to be rude to them. And, as the author clearly states, while someone might be a valid authority in one situation, they will likely not be good at everything.
Teaching your kids this makes them better and more competent people. (Though, as a parent, you will be certainly criticized for raising your children wrong by those who want the shortcut thinking to apply and feel like frauds when they realize that young people can see through the Emperor’s new clothes..)
I said it was delicate, not unimportant. Thanks for your response, parenting is tough and all the best with it.
What strikes me is that the shock isn't discovering adults are flawed. It's discovering that the picture of adulthood we grew up with was never real to begin with.
We spend years assuming adults have things figured out. Then one day you realize most people are still making sense of life as they go. They just have more years behind them.
Exactly. This is the nuance.
Yes but also, these weren't baseless assumptions we were making. The adults in my life went to great lengths to convince one another, us kids, and themselves, that they had everything figured out and were the unquestionable authorities on how to life. It was a con - a deliberate one.
Yes. The purpose of the con was/is to give kids the sense of order and normalcy that they need. Or maybe not “need” but that at least makes their little lives and thoughts easier to navigate.
Good distinction. More years behind them, not more answers. Which might mean the waiting-until-ready thing was never really a thing to wait for.
A morning air bath sounds ahead of his time actually props b frank
A pioneer.
A true founding father
Writers on Substack are advising me to get morning sunlight within one hour of waking to help manage my cortisol levels. Mr. Franklin was on to something.
Exactly! Functional living king
You have to feel for his neighbours though, given he took them at the window.
I was imagining him with a yard but true! A daily neighborhood show
"I am always doing what I cannot do yet, in order to learn how to do it” - love that.
Darwin was a genius and that pro/con list is 100% accurate and one of the most adult things I’ve ever seen 😝
It ended with QED: Marry
We all have been lied about the potential of our brain, body, and soul. (Your parents, teachers, professors, societies, governments, political leaders, experts, billionaires, and powerful people are lying to you all the time, because they want you to be obedient, normal, average, and mediocre; always ingraining a mindset of seeking safety and stability.)
You can be extremely wealthy, a self-taught polymath, a deep philosopher, a visionary leader, a great social activist, and a freakish athlete all combined. You don’t have to compromise on anything!
The system convinced, brainwashed, and indoctrinated us to stick with one expertise throughout life. As if we are tiny cogs for a giant machine.
Because, they have a certain kind of fear. If humans can explore and unleash their monstrous hidden untapped potential of their brain, body, and soul. Then all kinds of systems and institutions would be rendered useless.
You just need — brain, body, soul, and the internet.
I almost skipped this and took an air bath instead. I find it relieving that my opinion of “adults are just bigger children” is pretty widespread.
We’re really all just meandering through life trying our best. Air baths aside, we have more in common than we think.
Ditto. I did open the window though, just that.
Probably the most insightful, wise article I've ever read on substack.
The more we look for authorities, the more we lose the ability to think for ourselves.
the moment you stop looking for the adult in the room is often the moment you become the adult in the room
Act it to be it
Adults are just big kids pretending to be grown ups so the little kids don't get scared.
Many historic figures are reduced to a name and a famous finding or invention – we get no sense of who they actually were unless you take the time to read a biography or someone makes a biopic, but even then accuracy is debatable and there will be purposeful omissions.
On adult syndrome and realising those around you are just as ill-equipped as you are... I think at some point I just looked at my own linear timeline and thought: "There will never be a time when I am more prepared and still have this many years remaining, so I might as well try it now."
Good article. But, we didn't start as a sperm cell. I don't understand why men think default gender is male. Default gender is female. Egg is thousand times bigger than a sperm and it's not a separate thing. Stop equating people to sperm cells.
That struck me too. ‘ We all started as a sperm cell.’ Huh, what? !
I don't know what is the issue, the author sees with the Darwin's thought/decision making process? I myself went through a very similar process myself... I just didn't think about having (only) a dog instead of a wife/serious partner. But for instance, I was considering of having (only) my nephews instead of my own children. On the end very important were also her indivual characteristics and our joint compatibility. And my age at that point in time. But without our individual characteristics and compatibility, being single was also a very serious option, using a decision tree similar to the Darwin's...
"Charles Darwin spent seven months ruminating on whether to get married. His pro’s and con’s list included: Pro’s - Children, friend in old age, better than a dog anyhow. Con’s - Terrible loss of time, fatness & idleness, forced to visit relatives."
This is yet another reason why people shouldn't have children themselves.
Let he who is an adult have the first baby!