I agree! It's kind of the same principle as when you're scared of something, but if someone else is also scared of that thing (like a friend or especially someone younger like a little sibling) suddenly your own fear is overridden in favour of protectiveness and showing strength because someone needs to be the strong one.
I feel this way about social anxiety--if I meet another person who seems even more anxious or just as shy as I am, it tends to ease my anxiety a little and I even start to feel weirdly protective of them (although in some rare and unfortunate cases, the opposite happens and our anxiety compounds and we're both left staring at each other in horror)
Maybe I just need to start pretending there's a small, scared child trailing after me wherever I go.
Oh wow, you nailed it. It’s so true about no adults unless there’s a child around.
I commented on a different piece about adulthood ‘You can’t panic in the face of a lost child - we have to step up and fill adult shoes to help guide them’
I am thinking that if I can teach my children this valuable lesson to not assume someones authority is same as expertise, I have done them a great favor.
As a parent, I would argue it is an important line. Age does not grant authority. Neither do titles or credentials. Discerning who should be deemed an authority requires listening and critical thinking. People use the other markers as shortcuts to avoid consideration of how much the person in front of them has earned authority.
Of course, this also has caveats. Determining that someone is in the “fake it ‘til you make it” category is not a license to be rude to them. And, as the author clearly states, while someone might be a valid authority in one situation, they will likely not be good at everything.
Teaching your kids this makes them better and more competent people. (Though, as a parent, you will be certainly criticized for raising your children wrong by those who want the shortcut thinking to apply and feel like frauds when they realize that young people can see through the Emperor’s new clothes..)
What strikes me is that the shock isn't discovering adults are flawed. It's discovering that the picture of adulthood we grew up with was never real to begin with.
We spend years assuming adults have things figured out. Then one day you realize most people are still making sense of life as they go. They just have more years behind them.
Yes but also, these weren't baseless assumptions we were making. The adults in my life went to great lengths to convince one another, us kids, and themselves, that they had everything figured out and were the unquestionable authorities on how to life. It was a con - a deliberate one.
Yes. The purpose of the con was/is to give kids the sense of order and normalcy that they need. Or maybe not “need” but that at least makes their little lives and thoughts easier to navigate.
Writers on Substack are advising me to get morning sunlight within one hour of waking to help manage my cortisol levels. Mr. Franklin was on to something.
Well Mr. Franklin did live a very long life, particularly compared to the typical lifespan of his era. But now I just looked up his health and apparently “the gout and the stone,” were some of his primary plagues
We all have been lied about the potential of our brain, body, and soul. (Your parents, teachers, professors, societies, governments, political leaders, experts, billionaires, and powerful people are lying to you all the time, because they want you to be obedient, normal, average, and mediocre; always ingraining a mindset of seeking safety and stability.)
You can be extremely wealthy, a self-taught polymath, a deep philosopher, a visionary leader, a great social activist, and a freakish athlete all combined. You don’t have to compromise on anything!
The system convinced, brainwashed, and indoctrinated us to stick with one expertise throughout life. As if we are tiny cogs for a giant machine.
Because, they have a certain kind of fear. If humans can explore and unleash their monstrous hidden untapped potential of their brain, body, and soul. Then all kinds of systems and institutions would be rendered useless.
You just need — brain, body, soul, and the internet.
Many historic figures are reduced to a name and a famous finding or invention – we get no sense of who they actually were unless you take the time to read a biography or someone makes a biopic, but even then accuracy is debatable and there will be purposeful omissions.
On adult syndrome and realising those around you are just as ill-equipped as you are... I think at some point I just looked at my own linear timeline and thought: "There will never be a time when I am more prepared and still have this many years remaining, so I might as well try it now."
Good article. But, we didn't start as a sperm cell. I don't understand why men think default gender is male. Default gender is female. Egg is thousand times bigger than a sperm and it's not a separate thing. Stop equating people to sperm cells.
There's an equally powerful—and misguided—version of this when it comes to romance. Maybe call it "Perfect Partner Syndrome." People in the dating scene are convinced that the PERFECT person for them is out there. They decide to go on a date with someone based almost entirely on...nothing but their looks. (And maybe their political leaning.) They swoon over their profile pics, tell their friends "He has a BMW Z3!" or "She is SO HOT." And almost inevitably, they're stunned when their date turns out to be a complete ass. And nobody EVER learns. One failed date after another...yet they keep swooning over someone new, and keep believing that the "perfect partner" is out there. They're not. Never.
That's because relationships require WORK. And COMPROMISE. And they're often UNPLEASANT. But fools in the dating pool don't believe it—they continue believing good relationships are effortless...and they continue to be disappointed.
I loved this so much. One of my “subway takes” is that adults don’t exist unless there is a child around. This is an even better take.
Also I needed this: “When you see the humanity in your heroes, you begin to see your heroes in the mirror.” Ready to take on the world now, thank you!
“Old age is a strange thing to happen to a little boy.”
George Oppen
“It’s weird being the same age as old people.” - A t-shirt I own.
I agree! It's kind of the same principle as when you're scared of something, but if someone else is also scared of that thing (like a friend or especially someone younger like a little sibling) suddenly your own fear is overridden in favour of protectiveness and showing strength because someone needs to be the strong one.
I feel this way about social anxiety--if I meet another person who seems even more anxious or just as shy as I am, it tends to ease my anxiety a little and I even start to feel weirdly protective of them (although in some rare and unfortunate cases, the opposite happens and our anxiety compounds and we're both left staring at each other in horror)
Maybe I just need to start pretending there's a small, scared child trailing after me wherever I go.
100% It's the only time i can face dealing with spiders.
Spiders, for the most part, are incredibly beneficial.
We catch and release as much as possible. I even caught and removed a black widow from my SiL’s garage- to her HORROR
Don't disagree, they are very beneficial, but also terrifying. Kudos on the Black Widow!
In our existential angst, we like to believe there are people (adults, gurus etc) who have solved life’s conundrums
The nuggets of wisdom always are in the comments - “adults don’t exist unless there’s a child around” is such a great take.
Oh wow, you nailed it. It’s so true about no adults unless there’s a child around.
I commented on a different piece about adulthood ‘You can’t panic in the face of a lost child - we have to step up and fill adult shoes to help guide them’
That take is perfect.
Absolutely. A right thinking "adult" is forced to act more responsibly when a child needs them to
I am thinking that if I can teach my children this valuable lesson to not assume someones authority is same as expertise, I have done them a great favor.
A delicate line to tread as a parent.
As a parent, I would argue it is an important line. Age does not grant authority. Neither do titles or credentials. Discerning who should be deemed an authority requires listening and critical thinking. People use the other markers as shortcuts to avoid consideration of how much the person in front of them has earned authority.
Of course, this also has caveats. Determining that someone is in the “fake it ‘til you make it” category is not a license to be rude to them. And, as the author clearly states, while someone might be a valid authority in one situation, they will likely not be good at everything.
Teaching your kids this makes them better and more competent people. (Though, as a parent, you will be certainly criticized for raising your children wrong by those who want the shortcut thinking to apply and feel like frauds when they realize that young people can see through the Emperor’s new clothes..)
Indeed and those that get it wrong probably won't realize until it's too late
I said it was delicate, not unimportant. Thanks for your response, parenting is tough and all the best with it.
I love that!
Like how the Pharisees had authority over the Jewish people, inheriting the seat of Moses. It didn’t make them experts, it was only authority.
Ya exactly, its like the Stanley Milgram experiment
What strikes me is that the shock isn't discovering adults are flawed. It's discovering that the picture of adulthood we grew up with was never real to begin with.
We spend years assuming adults have things figured out. Then one day you realize most people are still making sense of life as they go. They just have more years behind them.
Exactly. This is the nuance.
Yes but also, these weren't baseless assumptions we were making. The adults in my life went to great lengths to convince one another, us kids, and themselves, that they had everything figured out and were the unquestionable authorities on how to life. It was a con - a deliberate one.
Yes. The purpose of the con was/is to give kids the sense of order and normalcy that they need. Or maybe not “need” but that at least makes their little lives and thoughts easier to navigate.
Good distinction. More years behind them, not more answers. Which might mean the waiting-until-ready thing was never really a thing to wait for.
A morning air bath sounds ahead of his time actually props b frank
A pioneer.
A true founding father
Writers on Substack are advising me to get morning sunlight within one hour of waking to help manage my cortisol levels. Mr. Franklin was on to something.
Exactly! Functional living king
Well Mr. Franklin did live a very long life, particularly compared to the typical lifespan of his era. But now I just looked up his health and apparently “the gout and the stone,” were some of his primary plagues
You have to feel for his neighbours though, given he took them at the window.
I was imagining him with a yard but true! A daily neighborhood show
Darwin was a genius and that pro/con list is 100% accurate and one of the most adult things I’ve ever seen 😝
It ended with QED: Marry
"I am always doing what I cannot do yet, in order to learn how to do it” - love that.
We all have been lied about the potential of our brain, body, and soul. (Your parents, teachers, professors, societies, governments, political leaders, experts, billionaires, and powerful people are lying to you all the time, because they want you to be obedient, normal, average, and mediocre; always ingraining a mindset of seeking safety and stability.)
You can be extremely wealthy, a self-taught polymath, a deep philosopher, a visionary leader, a great social activist, and a freakish athlete all combined. You don’t have to compromise on anything!
The system convinced, brainwashed, and indoctrinated us to stick with one expertise throughout life. As if we are tiny cogs for a giant machine.
Because, they have a certain kind of fear. If humans can explore and unleash their monstrous hidden untapped potential of their brain, body, and soul. Then all kinds of systems and institutions would be rendered useless.
You just need — brain, body, soul, and the internet.
Dimwitted comment
I almost skipped this and took an air bath instead. I find it relieving that my opinion of “adults are just bigger children” is pretty widespread.
We’re really all just meandering through life trying our best. Air baths aside, we have more in common than we think.
Ditto. I did open the window though, just that.
For anyone interested in some abstract thinking:
https://unthinkableangles.substack.com/p/critical-thinking-is-art-and-the?r=ig108&utm_medium=ios
Probably the most insightful, wise article I've ever read on substack.
The more we look for authorities, the more we lose the ability to think for ourselves.
the moment you stop looking for the adult in the room is often the moment you become the adult in the room
Act it to be it
Many historic figures are reduced to a name and a famous finding or invention – we get no sense of who they actually were unless you take the time to read a biography or someone makes a biopic, but even then accuracy is debatable and there will be purposeful omissions.
On adult syndrome and realising those around you are just as ill-equipped as you are... I think at some point I just looked at my own linear timeline and thought: "There will never be a time when I am more prepared and still have this many years remaining, so I might as well try it now."
Good article. But, we didn't start as a sperm cell. I don't understand why men think default gender is male. Default gender is female. Egg is thousand times bigger than a sperm and it's not a separate thing. Stop equating people to sperm cells.
That struck me too. ‘ We all started as a sperm cell.’ Huh, what? !
Adults are just big kids pretending to be grown ups so the little kids don't get scared.
There's an equally powerful—and misguided—version of this when it comes to romance. Maybe call it "Perfect Partner Syndrome." People in the dating scene are convinced that the PERFECT person for them is out there. They decide to go on a date with someone based almost entirely on...nothing but their looks. (And maybe their political leaning.) They swoon over their profile pics, tell their friends "He has a BMW Z3!" or "She is SO HOT." And almost inevitably, they're stunned when their date turns out to be a complete ass. And nobody EVER learns. One failed date after another...yet they keep swooning over someone new, and keep believing that the "perfect partner" is out there. They're not. Never.
That's because relationships require WORK. And COMPROMISE. And they're often UNPLEASANT. But fools in the dating pool don't believe it—they continue believing good relationships are effortless...and they continue to be disappointed.
The point isn’t that adults don’t exist.
The point is that most people mistake age, title, money, and confidence for adulthood.
Real adulthood is not having everything figured out.
It is being able to make decisions, carry consequences, correct mistakes, and still protect what matters.
The adults exist.
They’re just rarer than the costumes.
This reads like a giant baby discovering that successful people are human.
Steve Jobs didn’t spend his life announcing his flaws.
History leaked them.
There’s a difference.